6 Weeks

I used to post these updates on my personal Facebook profile, but had to really pair it down/try not to be too negative/not really talk about how I’m doing and feeling.

6 weeks. I feel like I ought to be further along with things. There’s so much noise telling me I should be making 6 figures by now. I just want to block it all out by keeping my head down, but it’s hard not to notice everything and wonder where or if I fit in. There are two jobs that I am applying for. I’d be pleased to have either, but don’t think that makes me a quitter.

I went to my old job again today. I haven’t been back for a month. Nothings changed there, according to my old co-workers, but I’ve worked through a lot in the meantime. I’ve mostly enjoyed the quietness. It’s so much easier to shut out any drama that comes up on social media by leaving a Facebook group or telling Facebook I no longer want to see something. I can’t figure out exactly how I feel about going back there, in general. I felt really anxious driving over there. One thought on that: these people know too much about me. These people who aren’t “my people” (save one) know too much about me. And I’m going back there: to the lion’s den (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade reference. Though, if you get it, you will likely think the comparison is quite severe). Or PTSD, as a friend suggested. Quite possibly.

Here’s something I have known all along: productivity has nothing to do with time. So, I have an entire day within which to “get stuff done” —does that mean I’m a content-creation machine? A couple of times it has, but most of the time I give myself a huge to-do list filled with things that don’t particularly excite me, but I feel like I should do. And also things that I’ve overcommitted to doing. So, most days I end up not accomplishing much. Would I have gotten the same amount of work done after coming home from an 8-hour shift at work? Some days, yes.

If I stay working from home, will my access to (potential) IRL friends diminish? Of course, my two closest friends are guys I went to high school with. I live in constant fear that one of my friends will tell me we can no longer be friends. Because that’s happened before. And, I know that holding on to things too tightly just makes them die faster than giving them room to breathe does. I think it was in part because I told that friend too much and he got sick of me. So, I refrain from telling most people anything real.

What have I been up to this week? On Tuesday, I went to a media event that Whole Foods invited me to, based around the idea of putting together floral bouquets for Mother’s Day. I was grateful for the extroverts there who came up to talk to me. And for the introverts who stood around more awkwardly than I. Lesson: always be less awkward than the most awkward person there. The whole thing felt really. . .right. Styling, taking pictures, connecting with people who are in to the same things I am.…continue reading

Kitty Never Saw it Coming

Zombies. The apocalypse. Two things that got me thinking about guns.

Facing fears, doing what slightly terrifies me, not waiting for the “right” time—all reasons why I added “go to a shooting range” to my 35 by 35 list.

Even though I’d done a bit of research beforehand and knew what to expect/what I was getting myself in to there was a bit of fear and anxiousness that came up for me. The shooting range (DVC Shooting Range) was set up to make the experience as comfortable as possible. First, our group (myself and two of my co-workers) and others were lead in to a small room to be shown a bit how to handle the guns we’d be using. An instructor then helped us load the magazines in the 9mm gun we used first, helping us re-position our hands as needed. Any of my unease disappeared as I started firing the gun.

Hello Kitty Target
DVC Gun Range…continue reading

Quests, Adventure and my 2015 Word of the Year

The idea of questing really appeals to my geeky/adventurous side. When I wanted to go to the Retreat Retreat in July of 2014, I set the intention and made it happen. I created Hustle Quest, which consisted of several services in my Whirligig Social business, in order to reach my goal of spending a week in Whistler, BC.

Ramit Sethi’s post Why You Should Start a Quest was well-timed since I was just thinking last night about my 2015 word of the year. I have plenty of local adventures planned as part of the 35 by 35 Quest. Those experiences and adventures are top priority for me in 2015. I’ve scheduled the “schedulable” stuff in my calendar already, and have budgeted out the money I’ll need to make those things happen.

The following quote is the first thing you come across in chapter 1 of Chris Guillebeau’s new book The Happiness of Pursuit. I recently purchased, but haven’t yet finished, this book. Have you read it yet? I’d love to know your thoughts.

It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your front door. You step out on to the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you’ll be swept off to. —j. r. r. tolkien


…continue reading

35 by 35

I’m doing things differently in 2015. Instead of starting with my plan of what I want to do career/business/blog wise and fitting in fun and me-centred things around those dates, I’m planning my fun activities first.

I’ve been thinking about putting together a list of things that I really want to do/start/try and then actively working through it. Yeah, thinking about it. The truth is, knowing is only half the battle. I know myself (at least in part). I know that I have no problem starting things. I don’t always finish them, though. Sometimes, this is because once I start them I realize that I’m not getting whatever it was I was looking for from this thing that I started. That’s cool: I don’t need to keep going once I’ve come to realize that things aren’t working for me in whatever way. The other thing that holds me back from working more on whatever project is fear. Fear. You’re all familiar with it, right? To say that it has held me back from moving forward with things in all aspects of my life is an understatement.

35 by 35

So, I’m scared. So what? I’m going to do these 35 things before I turn 35 anyway. I’m starting a little late with this, since my birthday is on June 30th. Because of this, I’m including a few super easy things and a few things that I am already planning on completing. So what if it’s cheating? I’ll be sharing the results and all that here. This is a bit of accountability. I’m doing this. You heard it here first.

Here is a partial list of the 35 things I’m going to do between now and June 30th, 2015:

  1. Go to Salt Lake City, Utah
  2. Read the Lord of the Rings
  3. Get a hot stone massage
  4. Go solo camping
  5. Make (vegan, obviously) cinnamon buns
  6. Go on a media tour to the Vancouver Art Gallery
  7. Make matcha tea
  8. Go to a movie by myself mid-day
  9. Get professional promo pics taken (after the hair dye thing?!)
  10. Sew bedroom curtains
  11. Go to a movie in the VIP section at the theatre
  12. Throw a party
  13. Watch Frozen
  14. Go to a shooting range
  15. Have a guest post published (somewhere major)
  16. Read a book in its entirety at a book store
  17. Take a first aid course (and get certified)
  18. Make a mason jar lamp shade for my bare hanging bulb

Plus others. So, you may have noticed that some of these things will cost me a bit of money or really only be appropriate during certain times of the year. Because of those reasons, I’ll need to plan to add in these 18 (plus the others) to my schedule to make sure they’re planned for and around. If you’re reading this and want to play along with me by creating your own list or joining me on one of my adventures, I would so welcome that.

The Effort, not the Result

After working at my current bridge job for about a year now, I came to realize that I hadn’t really opened up to my co-workers very much. One person in particular, I just didn’t know what to talk about with.

Though it was simply asking a co-worker to go out to a movie, the rejection felt every bit as intense as something much more serious.

Misery loves company. I had a bunch of friends back in junior high school. People actually asked me to spend time with them—outside of school. It wasn’t very healthy, though—apart from one or two friends who I spent time together with in yearbook committee.

I share everywhere online, always trying to find new venues for my personas to feel at home and amongst friends, so how much am I opening myself up to IRL friendships and other connections? Does sharing “too much” online leave little in the bank for in-person connections? Or does it allow me to iron out the kinks of my story—to be presented much more neatly and edited to real people?

park bench

Still, I tried. I put myself out there—ready for rejection—all I can do now is to keep at it. Oh, and not give myself too hard a time. This is me turning a “loss” in to a learning experience.

What can I do differently? Maybe, give people more notice when I ask them to hang out. Maybe make it a small group thing. I’m not sure what else.

Universe: More of this— July 2014

Whistler beach

  1. Time spent in and near water
  2. Workshopping with like-minded women
  3. Escapes from the city
  4. Business retreats
  5. Feeling like I deserve time away from work
  6. Travelling near and far
  7. Spending time and money on myself and my business
  8. Being surrounded by nature